Ana And Mia
by AdenaMentzel
Summary: A story centered around Maureen's poor eating habits. Will delve into the roots of these issues, as well as dealing with them.
1. Chapter 1

Maureen

I stood on the scale, loathing the little black numbers and little pointy arrow thingy, loathing Joanne for making me do the repulsive act of eating…100 pounds at 5'4"? All I can say about myself is…what a friggin' fat ass. All I want is to be perfect, for her. Well, not just for her, there is the gratification of the catcalls and the flirting, but mostly…I don't have anything that makes me worthy of her. I don't have brains, class, style, anything. I can't even keep the darks and lights separate when I try to do the laundry. I can't cook, I can't provide for her, heck, I can't even make her happy or keep her civil most of the time. I just don't want her to hate me. I don't have anything to offer but my looks…and even those aren't a sure-fire hit. I'm weak, and she is force-feeding me lies about true beauty. Bones…bones are beautiful. Bodies with clothes sliding off of them…seeing the true form of a person…that is beauty-- not this disgusting fat that I am drowning in! Doesn't she see how hideous I am? Knowing that I can't be beautiful for her because she can't see what I am trying to do for her, it's ridiculous. I can't believe that she can't understand.

Joanne

I see her there, standing on that scale. She left the door partway open, so I peered in. I was not prepared for what I saw, though I suppose that it shouldn't have come as such a surprise to me, I've seen her preoccupation with food. But what I saw wasn't her trying to purge like I had expected. No, all I saw was a bare, broken woman…warped, and in need of love and support, too thin. She was softly cursing at herself and crying, and I couldn't help my heart breaking. She stepped off of the scale, curling up into a ball, leaning against the wall. How can she think that she is fat? She is beautiful…perfect just the way she is, and everything that I have ever wanted. Despite all of that, she has a disturbing hatred of food, which seems to have worsened as our relationship has progressed.

In the first several weeks that I dated her, she lost _a lot_ of weight…she was probably at about 90 pounds, maybe less. I think one of the reasons that I didn't just run right then was that she seemed to vulnerable, she was looking for comfort from me after April's suicide…I figured that the weight loss was a way to try to make Mark see her, however the boho boys rarely had food anyway. When we got more serious, and I felt more comfortable with her, I started to hound her about eating. She gained back some weight by around November that first year, or so I thought, but then I realized one morning, watching her naked form sleep beside me, that it was just that she was wearing more clothing. I really got on her case, and by Christmas, she had gained back about half of what she had lost.

When I first met her…she was more…. I don't know how to put it…. voluptuous. Honestly, what drew me to her in the first place were her looks. This…starving herself…initially, I didn't think that it was intentional, so I didn't think too much of it, but I know now, especially after what I just witnessed, that without a doubt she thinks that she isn't good enough as she is. I don't know why she has her standards set so high, when from a logical

standpoint, she has everything that she could need or want. She hasn't even been acting out lately. She can't be doing it for me…she has to know that I love her, right?

Maureen

I was startled and practically jumped out of my skin when Joanne gently opened the door. Sitting naked on the floor, I was completely self-conscious and jumped into the shower.

"Don't look at me!" She looked utterly confused. It wasn't like we had never showered together, and we usually had sex at least once a day, so I suppose this must have seemed a little bizarre, but my mask was off. I hadn't yet conjured the sense of self-confidence that I needed. I don't like for people to see that I am insecure. That isn't my persona.

Despite my request, she came after me anyway, and though I tried to keep the shower door shut, I lost the battle. It wasn't unusual for me to lose when Joanne wanted something…it was her apartment, her money. She was too good to me. I didn't deserve her. Granted, sometimes I try to sabotage the relationship, but that is different…that is for her own good. She deserves better than me, just like Mark does. I know eventually I will fault her on something that she couldn't prevent to save her from me, because she won't be able to see for herself that I'm not good for her.

Joanne

If I was concerned about Maureen before she freaked out about me seeing her naked, I was completely and utterly alarmed when she tried to hide herself from me. Even through all of the pain that she had endured, all of the times that she had come to me for advice before, every little panic attack that happened every now and again, I had never seen her this broken before. I crawled into the tub with her, wrapping my arms around her frail, thin body, alarmed at the way that I could feel her ribs through her skin. I didn't tend to pay overly much attention to this factor when being intimate with her, but I couldn't understand it. She spoke to me softly.

"What are you doing? How can you stand to touch me? I'm hideous!" I sighed.

"Maureen, you are too thin. Why are you doing this to yourself? You were beautiful the way that you were when we first met! I fell for the way that you looked then, I thought that you were perfect that way!" She glared at me with hatred.

"You're lying, Miss Ivy League! You just want me to be fat and ugly so that I will stay with you and you will still be better than me!" This outburst pierced deep into my heart, and in the moment of shock that ensued, she broke free of my grip and ran away. By the time that I had recovered, she had thrown a trench coat and boots on hastily and run out the door. I called Mark immediately.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:** Thanks for reading and reviewing this story! I hope you continue to like it and read it! Please review.** Enjoy the chapter!**

--Joanne--

"Hello?"

"Mark? It's Joanne." My voice was cracking.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I took a deep breath.

"I'm fine. It's just…Maureen."

"What happened?" _How am I going to explain this?_

"Well…I found her in the bathroom…you know, on the scale? She seemed so frail and fragile. Anyway, she flared out at me, talking about how she is so disgustingly overweight and stuff like that. I don't know what to do about it! I tried to confront her, and she stormed out."

"…" There was silence on the other end of the line, I could here some shuffling feet and mumbling.

"Mark?"

"Sorry, Joanne. That was just Roger coming home. Do you know where she might have gone?"

"No, that's why I was calling you…I thought you might have some kind of experience with this?" He sighed.

"I'm really sorry Joanne…I always just let her do her own thing when she got like that…I was too afraid of her to do anything else. Maybe check the bars? Her usual hangouts?"

"Mark, I'm going to need your help. This city is huge, and I have no idea what places she even frequents. Please?"

"Okay. I'll get Roger to help, too. She's very unpredictable if she's still the same as she used to be."

"Mark?" My voice sounded very small and hesitant.

"Yeah?" I paused, unable to find the words that I was looking for.

"Um…let's just hurry, okay?"

"You're scared, aren't you?" I stifled a sob.

"Yeah. Listen, why don't I come over there? You know better than I do where she might be, and it'll probably be in or around the Village, don't you think?" I was back into logical lawyer mode.

"Okay. We'll see you in a few." I hung up the phone and slumped against the wall, then, in an act of frustrated rage, I smacked the phone, cradle and all, off of the table. "AAAAAAHH!"

--Maureen--

After I stormed out of the apartment, I started running. Normally, I would head towards the East Village, where I fit in, where people know me. But given that fact, and that I wanted to be left alone, I ran in the opposite direction. After a while, I realized that I had no idea where I was. I sit on the steps to a rather large, gothic-looking church, realizing that I have climbed about half of them absently. I've been crying the whole time, which I don't realize until this very moment, in which curl up and sob into myself, now fully aware that all I am wearing is a trenchcoat.

--Joanne--

The guys and I have been to every place in the Village, and scoured them for hours. Maureen is still nowhere to be found. We checked back at the loft, and currently are at my apartment. Still no Maureen. Roger has been pacing anxiously for the past ten minutes, which is not something that he usually does.

"Where else could she have possibly gone?" Roger inquires, to no one in particular. I shrug. Mark is deep in thought.

"Maybe…she just…went. I remember once when I was dating her…the day that April died…she just ran. I followed her on my bike…at a safe distance. When she stopped, she seemed confused…she was just…sitting there…so broken." A collective shudder went through the group. Suicide…

"You don't think that she…" I began, then Mark and Roger locked eyes, and there was silence. The three of us were out of the building in about twenty seconds, wandering the opposite direction of the Village, trying to find her.

--Maureen--

After a few hours had passed, I realized that it was getting late, and additionally it had begun to rain. I saw Joanne walking near the church, though she hadn't reached it yet, or seen me, so I ran. I didn't know that Roger had seen me, or that he was even there, until he grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. I fell against his chest, relieved that he wasn't some random stranger. I was shivering, and he wrapped his arms around me. He was protective of me, and for that, I was glad.

"Maureen, what's going on with you?" He asked firmly, though still somehow soft and caring. He looked deep into my eyes, green meeting green, and I knew he could see right through me. He looked pained, suddenly. "How many times to I have to tell you that you are perfect the way that you are? Look at you! You're wasting away—you have got to stop this!" He was yelling. I swallowed hard, tears spilling over, and buried my face in his chest.

"I'm sorry…I—wait a minute--You don't like me this way—I can see it on your face every time you look at me! That disgust, I know it's there."

"Maureen, you are too thin. If you see disapproval there, that's why. You're killing yourself, why can't you see that?"

"I don't know…" My voice sounded small and frightened. I hate being vulnerable like this!

"Let's get you home. You're gonna get pneumonia or something out here." I smiled.

"What're you, my mother?" He rolled his eyes at me and squeezed my shoulders reassuringly, as I was still visibly shaken, and Joanne and Mark finally caught up to us.

--Joanne--

I ran up to Maureen, glad that Roger was there for her and more observant than Mark and I had been. I wrapped my arms around her, and she clung desperately to me. She was freezing, and soaked.

"Come on, honey, let's get you back home. Mark, Roger, thanks for all of your help." I said, looking Roger, who was standing behind Maureen, in the eye. He cleared his throat.

"Um…why don't we walk back with you guys, to make sure you get there all right?" He was hinting at helping me out with my situation with Maureen, I could tell by the look that he gave me as he said it. I released Maureen, and looked back at Mark, who nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay. That sounds good. Maybe we can grab some dinner or something," I said, looking at Maureen, and squeezed her hand. She nodded.


End file.
